Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
