Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
