4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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