can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
