would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
