someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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