I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
