It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
