i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
