I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
