if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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