I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
