she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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