'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
