Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
