I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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