Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
