There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
