Your tits are I can't wait for
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
