there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
