dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
