I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
