cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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