I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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