can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
