Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
