She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
