I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
