I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
