Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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