One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
