also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
