I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
