A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
