She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
