It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
