Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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