I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm really busy with my period
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