my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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