He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
please don't ironically join a cult
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