My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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