Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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