i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
