I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
