my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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