Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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