I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
