If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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