he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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