morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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