Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
