its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
