this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
