About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Welp...herpes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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