whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
